thanksgiving* cuda

So... its been forever and a day since I've last wrote this, and what perfect time to now that we are hours away from the the day we give thanks (turkey day! :P).

Not only is this the day that everyone around the world will gain a healthy amount of weight but a special time for us to reflect what we are truly thankful for...

I asked myself today as I was driving to the Honolulu Academy of Arts, "What am I thankful for?"

I honestly couldn't answer, not that there was anything that I WASN'T thankful for, but that there are TONS of things that I'm thankful for and I feel like that I HAVE to include everything, otherwise I feel bad if I don't mention it...

But what the heck... let me just give this a shot... and in no particular order...

1) My family
Who knows where the HECK I would be without them. My mom and dad do absolutely NOTHING, but love and support me in EVERY SINGLE WAY that they can, even though I know for a FACT that I drive them up the walls. My sister Lindsey is possibly the most irritable and most "uglee" thing on the face of this Earth, yet she is capable of SO much more than she realizes in school, church, and anything that she puts her mind and dedication to. My brother Logan is the fattest, most rascal thing to ever come into my life, but he knows how to have fun and to make everyone in the family smile with his humor. Plus he pwns YOU at Beast and the Harlot in Guitar Hero 2 and And Justice for All on drums in Rock Band.

2) My church family
I don't think I've ever felt happier with a particular group of people before, and this section contains SO many people that I couldn't write them down even if I tried. You know who you are if you're reading this (think Tuesday night at the meeting). I thank you for your prayers, your insight, your time, and I thank you for your dedication to serving our God in His name.

3) The "Candi's"
I call this year of 2008, the year of the candidates. And you know, it's all because of you guys, the official and unofficial. I thank you for believing in me, for seeing SOMETHING in me, and for picking to help lead you on your spiritual journeys. Because of you I've missed school, been absent to important meetings, wasted gas, used up cell phone minutes, racked up mileage, been yelled at, gotten in trouble, lost money, gained weight, gotten headaches, been frustrated, confused, put in deep discernment, made vulnerable, prayed more hours than I can remember, and more.... and you know what? It's worth every God given moment, and I would do it ALL over again if the opportunity came up...

4) The guy with like nicest RX8 and 3 bikes
I know this wll probably sound gay but whatever. You have no idea how much fun I have when we have our study sessions, even when we actually DO get stuff done. Your advice on cars and life in general too I will remember forever. And I especially thank you for our deep talks that we had while we were studying too. I'm forever on the "listen to 'the guy with nice RX8 and 3 bikes'" plan. (But I don't care what you say, flat balck wheels are UGLY!)

5) Dr.
I felt so dumb for not thanking you sooner and I cannot thank you enough. Not only for the hospitality and listening, but for BEING THERE when I couldn't be alone. Those who "keep me together" I will always be thankful for and once again THANK YOU for helping me hold myself together when I thought I was at my serious worst.

6) the DB
What can I say? You are more than anyone can ask for. I HATE you. I hate how our mentalities are so alike. I hate how I can talk to you so comfortably. I hate how we always hang out. I hate how strong your relationship with God is. I hate how passionate you are in serving Him. I hate how open your heart is. I hate with how much you trust me. And I hate how much that I trust you. You are the absolute BEST. I hate that! :)

7) The Creator
Thank You for everything! The blessings You have given me, but especially the lessons You have taught me. I know I asked for it but really, thank You for Your punishments in the forms of blessings. I know I can get frustrated at times with You, but I do trust with whatever You have planned for me. I thank You for all the opportunities You have given me to strengthen my gifts and I just humbly ask that you continue to do whatever it is you wanna do with me.

8) The ones that I forgot
I haven't forgot about you, you all are in my heart and very much appreciated...

For now, Happy Thanksgiving everyone.... and good luck on Black Friday :)

symbols* cuda

This post will probably be a long one, and I don't know I'd rather TELL it out in person, but I just feel like writing it down, in case you aren't able to hear it, for whatever reason.

The title of this blog is called "symbols". Why? Well for those of you that know me, I'm a VERY symbolic person, and there are symbols all over the place for me. My right wrist has exactly 7 bracelets on it. One of those "religious" bracelets (don't know what they're called), 3 pink bands, and 3 black bands. They do "symbolize" something and those people and some know who and what they are and what they mean.

Ever look up the word "religion"? Well, it literally means to "reconnect".

Back when I was a senior in high school, I met this girl. She was introduced to me by a friend of mines and we talked a bit. At first I didn't want anything more than a friendship from her and I wasn't looking for anything like that. Another thing was I was kinda, sorta, not really still feeling the effects of a breakup from my junior year (turns out she went out with me to get over some guy, who she ended up with right after she broke up with me, but I won't get into that).

I got afraid! I started to like this girl. I mean REALLY like this girl. It was difficult. Again, I was STILL feeling the effects from a past relationship and she wasn't allowed to have a boyfriend. I rushed to my grandmas after school to see if she was online and got excited when I saw her screen name online. When she wasn't, I waited (sometimes for hours) for her to come online so we could talk. For a while, we never admitted we liked each other, but we knew. So finally one day, after a very passionate conversation early one morning over the phone, we became an official couple.

I would have to say that having her as a girlfriend was definitely a turning point in my life. We did LOTS of things together. She introduced me to lots of things that diversified me. She taught me to try new things, to be spontaneous, to live life to the fullest, to not CARE what other people thought, and if you wanted to do something, if you weren't hurting yourself or others than why not?

She got me into performing arts, being creative, using slimmer/fitted clothes and she also got me listening to punk rock/alternative music. Contrary to popular belief, I was real "filipino" back in the day: baggy clothes, spiky hair, listened to rap/hip hop, etc (but I wasn't THAT bad :P).

One band that we always listened to majority of the time was Yellowcard and they became my favorite band! Whenever we went out, we would always play "Ocean Avenue" or something in my car. I bought their CD, a poster or two, and made custom CDs (when burning CDs were rare back then) with my favorite Yellowcard songs on it. We even saw them perform when they came down here!

Our relationship went on for about two and a half years.

Then something happened...

To make an even longer story short, and to this day I don't know the REAL or the WHOLE story, but by knowing what I know and collecting (not that I went out looking for it, but people who I crossed paths with who knew her) information, she pretty much left me for someone she met on MySpace... We were together for two, two and a half years, and she LEFT me for someone she met on MYSPACE...



and that was it for me...



I got rid of a lot of clothes and I seriously considered torching letters, pictures of us (but ended up putting it in a "put away box"). The Yellowcard posters came down, the mix CD's thrown into a field like Frisbees , and their Ocean Avenue LP I snapped in half.

I was DEVASTATED. I became upset, anti-social, depressed. This also was the mark of the first time I became very bitter, angry, curt. I remember going into my room and throwing things away left and right, trashing my room, out of frustration, anger, hurt.

I had never been so heartbroken in my life........








So what's my point???







To kill time....








Haha no really though, what's the point to my story? Well the point is this: I couldn't listen to Yellowcard anymore. I HATED the band! Anything that represented them in any WAY (sometimes not represent them at all), shape, or form couldn't come literally within 100 yards from me. If things that SOUNDED like them, I couldn't stand.

Now why is this? Why is it that I couldn't listen (or be reminded of) Yellowcard anymore?

It's because Yellowcard became a SYMBOL. And that SYMBOL, RECONNECTED me to something SACRED. Sacred doesn't necessarily mean "holy", but in general it means "special".

Everytime something Yellowcard came along, it reminded me of times back when I was with her and in that context, I didn't WANT to be reminded of those times when I was with her. Because it brought back strong feelings and emotions along with it too and I DIDN'T want to be reminded at ALL about anything...



Then one day I thought to myself...



If something like Yellowcard could make me feel so strongly about something in such a negative way, then why couldn't something about my religion make me feel just as strong, but in a positive way?

I feel that that's what our religion is supposed to do for us (whatever religion you may be). Recall what "religion" means. It literally means to "reconnect".

My Catholic religion is one big symbol, along with the other 934876570326453 symbols that come along with it: the crucifix, the dove, tongues of fire, the cross, nails, host, chalice, and the list goes on and on and on. All those SYMBOLS; they RECONNECT me to something SACRED, something special: my Lord above, and the ultimate sacrifice that He made for us, by giving up His life, by dying... so that WE can live....

It makes me feel powerful emotions. It makes me feel strong, hopeful, happy, and content with whatever it is that He has planned for me. Most of all, it fills me with the powerful emotion of love. And with this powerful weapon, if used correctly, can use it to combat and get through ANYTHING...

__________* cuda

small detail that I noticed* cuda

So I did the dumbest thing ever this evening, I took a shot of those 5 hour energy drink things so now I'm stuck staying up until this thing wears off.

Anyway, I'm online looking at random sites and I come across something that makes me realize something... it's not THAT important actually, but it IS a small thing that I've noticed about the opposite sex:

One word, one syllable, four letters...

Hair

yes... I said it... HAIR...

What I read is pretty much true, and what I read is VERY similar situation that happened to me I'll try to combine what I read with the similar situation that happened to me. I'll summarize this as best as I can.

I'm not going to say that hair is "a little thing", but 'hair can do simple actions that can create powerful emotions'. One day I was going to my car after school, when I bumped into a friend of mines. From what I know, this friend ALWAYS takes care of her hair, and though there's little time I've known her, I don't EVER recall seeing it "not taken care of". It was a particularly windy day and as we were talking, a gust of wind blew right through her hair. 'The indescribable motion that took place in her hair was beautiful'. Of course, I wasn't going to say anything out loud, but there were even a group of guys (skipping school I might add) that were walking by and 'turned their heads to look'. I already had a hard day because of tutoring, but I realized that just by 'seeing wind go through my friend's hair put me in a good mood the rest of the day'. While I won't admit out loud (:P) that hair is a "big deal", 'little random moments can create big, great things'.

And I also realized that a very good friend of mines has been having that same effect on me for a long time, before the situation I mentioned...

Haha, I know, this is SUCH a random moment, but then again, I'm pretty random... I think... >.<

To sum it all up though: It's the LITTLE things, the SMALLEST things that makes a BIGGER impact on things. AND it makes it much more special...

__________* cuda

first blog post* cuda

So I've decided to make one of these. Why? Who knows? Will I use this as often as some other people that i know tweak on this? Maybe... or maybe not...

Time will tell... :)